What Does Preparing Yourself Mean to You?

Is your calendar for December filling up with social gatherings, parties, dinners and other events? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Now is the time to figure out how you’re going to handle it, by preparing yourself.

At my meetings on Saturday, I asked my members what preparing yourself meant to them and here’s what they came up with:

• Planning – including meals for the day and/or week, Points values for favourite treats as well as activity. Having a game plan means that you’re more likely to make things happen the way you want them to go. While it might seem daunting while you’re doing it, planning ahead saves you time in the long run and makes your life easier.
• Learning from experience – what has worked or not worked in the past? Where were you at this time last year and what are you going to do differently or exactly the same this year? Take these lessons learned and apply them to your intentions for the holiday season.
• Asking for help – getting support from others to help you through the challenging times is so important. Talk to friends. Read blogs. If you’re a WW member, make your meetings a priority. You’re not alone in this and will always have people to help you be successful.
• Taking care of yourself – Putting yourself at the TOP of your busy to do list even when you’ve got parties to attend, presents to buy or meals to make allows you to achieve balance. You can do this in whatever way feels good to you. Maybe it’s having a nap or going to bed an hour earlier. Taking an afternoon off work to do a bit of shopping. Finding some quiet time to do yoga or read a book. It’s an easy time of year to forget about the #1 person in your life – you. Putting yourself first, puts you in a better place to take care of everyone else in your life.
• Making healthy options available – Stocking up your pantry and fridge with healthy choices and easy grab n go options, making it easier for you to make good choices even when you’re super busy. Or if you’re attending a pot luck, bringing a healthy dish so you know you have at least one great option available to choose.
• Mentally rehearsing – Practice makes perfect! Who are you going to encounter? (I’m going to talk more about this next week when the topic is managing food-centered relationships…) What are you going to say? Where are you going to position yourself? What are you going to eat? Rehearsing these things ahead of time makes it a lot easier to actually do them when you get to the event.
• Keeping your goal in mind – When you have a goal, you have a direction and know what you need to do in order to get there. Is having a whole box of Turtles or skipping out on exercise for a week because you “don’t feel like it” going to help you get to where you want to be by December 31st? What needs to happen for you to reach your goal? What are some ways that you can remind yourself of your goals when things get busy? Maybe you could write them on a sticky or card to keep in a prominent place at your desk or stash in your purse.

It was great to hear my members’ thoughts on preparing themselves. Between all of them, I think they came up with some really great ideas and strategies and it was great because they were able to do almost all of the talking! Thinking about these strategies now is so important because the objective is that you’ll feel less overwhelmed and stressed by the time that you’re up to your ears in holiday baking, wine, and wrapping paper. Preparing yourself is setting yourself up for success!

How are you preparing yourself for busy times ahead?
Where would you like to be by December 31st 2009?
What needs to happen for you to get there?

Posts I loved this week...

I can't remember which day it was, but my google reader told me that I had more than 300 posts to read - yikes!! I am slowly catching up, which is so fantastic because some of my favourite blogs have had some fantastic posts up:

10 Ways to Shake Up Your Life and Feel Energized - I discovered Annabel's blog a couple weeks ago and the timing could not have been better for me! Her blog focuses on achieving the life you've always dreamed of and her posts are incredibly inspiring. I dare you to go read this post and not feel inspired. Go.

The Pill: Sex, Drugs & Mood Swings - Meghan did an awesome series this week on the effects of the birth control pill as well as a number of great alternatives. I came off the birth control pill back in May because it was making me crazy. The lovely ladies at Red Tent Sisters were instrumental in helping me to make the transition and introducing me to the Justisse method. I feel amazing and in tune with my body as a result. Check out the posts for a ton of information as well as a great giveaway.

Marni Wasserman Follows her Passion into the kitchen on CrazySexyLife - Marni is going to be teaching holistic food prep at my new school beginning in January! Looking forward to taking class with her!

Have you stopped by Katie's blog for her Operation Chocolate-Covered-Kindness Page view drive?

Remember when Kate got to goal? This week she posted before & after photos on her blog, so go check out her amazing transformation!! What a superstar. So excited to celebrate Lifetime with her in a few weeks.

I also loved this post from Andrea detailing how to get the most out of your Weight Watchers meetings - such a smart (& inspiring) cookie!

Thanks for all your positive comments on my post about positivity! I'll be thinking of all of you when Annie belts out "Tomorrow" 3 times this weekend.

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow...

In my last post I talked about strategies for making it through the busy week I've been going through and today I wanted to continue on that train of thought my talking about something else that has been helping me through:

A positive attitude.

It's been a crazy week. I've been getting home after 12am and going to bed after 1am. Rather than hop right into bed and snuggle with Joey and the fur-babies, I've been getting things done around the house, preparing meals, taking out my hair & bathing, as well as doing Weight Watchers stuff. At the theatre, things haven't been going particularly smoothly (as they often don't during tech week) but I've been trying not to let it get to me.

Why?

Negativity is like a bacteria that can spread quickly and silently through everything that it touches. If I have a negative attitude and become snippy with you, you may be snippy to the next person. When you're wandering around a theatre full of a cast and crew of 30+ people that's a whole lot of bacteria that could turn into an epidemic if not stopped at the source. If I contribute to the negative energy, I'm simply helping it to spread and get stuck in a yucky rut.

So I take it one step at a time.

Even though I'm sleep deprived and a wee bit cranky, I've done my best to put on a happy face. I've tried to apologize if I've been short with someone. I've tried to keep my complaining to minimum and instead worked to solve the problems. I've talked a few of my cast mates down when they were feeling negative or down in the dumps because they messed up lines or forgot cues (because I've absolutely been there too) I've been working on doing the best *I* personally can and trying to live vicariously through the children because they are thrilled to be on stage and doing this show.

It brings me back to part of one of my favourite quotes, that is still posted at my desk at work:

The remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we
embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact
that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only
thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I
am convince that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. -
Cynthia Cooper

When I talk to people about things that have happened in my life, many express their sympathies or condolences because they believe that a mother dying at 13, a disease or eating regime is a horrible thing to have to live with.

I don't feel sorry for myself and work to maintain a positive attitude whatever comes my way.

Everything that has happened to me in this life has gotten me to where I am today and there's honestly no place I would rather be. Reminds me of a certain little ditty from a show that opened yesterday:

When I'm stuck a day that's gray, and lonely,

I just stick out my chin and grin, and say...

The sun'll come out, tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow!

You're always a day away!

We had a great opening last night and I'm looking forward to the 11 shows to come! This week I encourage you to be like Annie: stick out your chin, grin and choose to have a positive outlook on everything that comes your way.

Tips for Maintaining Sanity During Tech Week (or Life)

This week has been absolutely insane.

On Friday I had a date night with Joey. We went for Indian food (delish) and did a little shopping. On Saturday, I led three busy meetings, did two classes at the gym and read my new book. On Sunday I went to Lindsay’s WW meeting, meal planned & grocery shopped, took a Weight Watchers conference call, made dinner then went to the theatre for 6 hours. Since then it’s been chaos as we prepare to open Annie on Thursday.

This feeling has inspired me to share some tips on keeping sane during tech week or just busy times in your life (like the month of December, perhaps?)

1. Be prepared
When performing in a show, it’s not just about knowing your lines, cues, costume changes and choreography, it’s also about planning your life. For me, being prepared is meal planning, having good food in the house, slow cooker meals that are easy to prep and packing everything with me so I can eat throughout the day. That’s lunch (mega salad with mixed greens, avocado, cucumber, peppers, sprouts, chickpeas, hummus & hemp seeds), dinner (potato kale enchiladas from Veganomican) & snacks (apple, banana & pb&j larabar) It requires a little bit of thought in the morning, but for me it is a safety net because I know I have delicious, Ashley-friendly food for the whole day AND I don’t have to spend money.

2. Take care of yourself
I called in sick yesterday because I needed to rest. I took a 2.5 hour nap and it was glorious. (Although I felt like I was back at square 1 again when I got home from the theatre at 12:40am) I also used the time to make a yummy dinner and actually spend some time with Joey enjoying it! Roasted acorn squash stuffed with snobby joes (another Veganomican fav) with some steamed Brussel Sprouts on the side. I also made the effort to go to the gym on Saturday because I knew that it would be a great way to relax (Bodyflow + Zumba) but also because I knew I wouldn’t have time to get back there for a few days.

Onstage, taking care of yourself, also means worrying about your own business. This is a good approach to take in life as well. As Byron Katie says, if you’re busy worrying about other people’s business, there’s no one there to worry about yours!

3. Have fun
Even though you’re tired or cranky or stressed.
Even when you have to get up for work early the next morning.
Even when your hair and make up goes from looking like this:

to this:

Not everyone in the world can say that they get to be onstage, acting singing and dancing up a storm. Performing is something that I find so much pleasure in, yet sometimes I need to be reminded of that after rehearsal that lasts from 6pm-12am! At the end (or beginning) of the day, I’m excited that I get to do what I love!!

How do you prepare yourself, take care of yourself and/or have fun?

Pure Joy

Thank you for all your amazing, thoughtful & genuine comments and emails regarding my post yesterday.

For those of you who follow me on twitter, you probably got the sense that Wednesday wasn’t the best day for me. Yesterday I wiped the slate clean and your positive energy lifted my spirits more than you know. This decision has been a tough one for me, but I felt grounded in my choice and your encouragement and kind words reminded me of how it really was the BEST decision I could possibly make. Thank you!!

Back in October when I blogged about my experience with Byron Katie, Meghan left the following comment for me:

I promise you Ash - as long as you can stay in the high vibe freedom feelings that come from releasing old stresses and fear - the most amazing things will come in to your life. Everything you have ever wanted!

I love this.

I’m posting this quote because there were a few of you who said that you were thinking about new career paths or goals and I want you to know that you can do whatever you want to do. Each and every one of you has the power within you. As you let go of the fear, stress and live in this moment, you can live the life of your dreams. I can’t tell you how much better I feel now that the plan is in motion and I’m telling people. I’ve been sleeping like a baby, smiling more, (crying less) and best of all, I feel like ME again.

Crohn’s Week is going to carry on into next week because I still have stories to share and another tidbit of news for you all. This week has been insanely busy and I want to make sure I tell everyone else’s story well and give them their time to shine. It has felt great to share my story  and reflect on where I’ve come from in the last year and where I’m headed in the year to come. Your comments and shared experiences have been courageous and I really believe that in doing so you’re all helping me to spread awareness of this disease.

Starbucks rolled into holiday mode as soon as Halloween had ended. While I felt it was a little early, I was excited because my favourite tea was back: Joy. Not only is it delicious, it perfectly describes my feelings of late. xo

Life is Sweet

So far for Crohn’s Week, I’ve discussed my symptoms, diagnosis and journey to healing. Today I’m going to talk about the exciting place this has led me…

Last week I quit my job.  
And enrolled in nutrition school.
And began actively working with my Weight Watchers Territory Manager to make leading meetings my full time gig.

Now do you understand why I’m smiling?!

For the last 4.5 years I’ve been working in an office. It started off as a way for me to pay off my musical theatre debt, and eventually turned into a career. I was hired by my soon-to-be-former company 2 years ago to be executive assistant to the CFO & EVP. I loved the company and I really enjoyed my job. My bosses were great and I developed my role into something fantastic.

With my Crohn’s diagnosis, achieving health and wellness for myself became my main priority in life, which was fine because I loved it! I started reading more books, following more blogs and talking to anyone who would listen about achieving fantastic health through nutrition, activity and taking care of yourself. I found myself surrounded by people who shared a passion for these things and I couldn’t get enough.

Back in May, I remember taking a walk with Lori and describing Meghan’s cooking classes to her and this newfound passion for all things nutrition related. She asked me if I had considered taking any other sorts of classes in nutrition and pursuing this in some way. She hit the nail right on the head, because it had been something that I had been thinking about and casually researching for awhile,  and Joey had even mentioned to me a couple of times. Leading Weight Watchers meetings brought me so much joy and so did nutrition, so wouldn’t it make sense for me to take it to the next level?

After looking at my options and the schools available in Toronto, I decided that I wanted to attend the Institute for Holistic Nutrition. I had heard great things about the school, had met with some graduates, loved the curriculum and just got a good feeling from it. I thought about going part time in the evenings, but realized that giving up shows for 2 years would be very hard for me and I thought that it would be incredibly challenging to manage a 9 to 5 job PLUS shows PLUS school twice a week.

Over the summer I was offered the opportunity to begin training in the HR department to cover the HR Coordinator’s maternity leave. It seemed like a great opportunity for me to learn another aspect of the business and keep me busy between our quarterly finance crunch time. In August I decided that I really wanted to go to nutrition school, but I also wanted to fulfill my obligations with my role. I decided that I would work for the full year and then enrol in nutrition school in September 2010.

Would you laugh if I told you that I started a countdown of 365 days on September 1? I wish I was joking.

As the days started to pass, the more I realized what I really wanted to be doing in my life and the more I realized how unhappy I was becoming. Doing both roles was challenging, stressful and overwhelming. While I work well under pressure, I was not happy with all that I was doing 5 days a week. I thought that the stress would pass, yet I still found myself making never-ending to-do lists and crying myself to sleep at night. In addition to the constant support of Joey, my friends and family 2 things kept me going were my weekly Weight Watchers meetings and the prospect of nutrition school in 330 days and counting.

I finally realized that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. I had worked so hard to achieve great health in the last year, and I didn’t want to screw it up with stress. Stress + Crohn’s are a bad combination and I knew that what I was putting myself through was not healthy. I also recognized the joy I found in my meetings each week. After coming home week after week, bragging to Joey about the great meetings I was having and the success of my members on the plan (all the while riding hihgh on my happy-little-Ashley-cloud) I started to plan.

With the deadline for the January enrolment looming, I knew that I need to move quickly. It was either figure things out quickly or wait it out for another 10 months as originally planned. I moved with the speed of light.

After a lot of behind the scenes legwork, I told my boss during my yearly review last week. I felt like I was going to vomit for most of the morning, but in my heart, I knew I was making the right decision. I described the changes I had gone through in the 2 years I had worked there (from starting as a WW Leader to being diagnosed with Crohn’s and discovering my passion for health and nutrition) I started to cry as I expressed how overwhelmed and conflicted I had been feeling over the last two months as I realized how stressful doing both roles was and how I realized that being an Executive Assistant isn’t want I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life.

He took the news better than I ever could have imagined and applauded me for my courage. He told me that I should live without regrets and that he could absolutely see me in this new role.

I enrolled in school the following day.

In January,  I will be leaving my role as an executive assistant and beginning the new year as a holistic nutrition student and Weight Watchers Leader. Words cannot express how excited I am.

Last year was a year of self-discovery and healing. This year I embark on a new journey, of learning, opportunity and following my dreams.

Life is sweet.

Healing the Best (And Only) Ways I Know How

This is the third instalment of Crohn’s Week. For a continuous version of the story please check out parts 1 and 2.

I now knew that I had Crohn’s Disease. With a name for the pain I had been feeling, I knew I could do something about it.

I had already started feeling less tired as a result of the B12 and iron supplements I was taking to combat my anemia. For such a long time I had taken for granted that sometimes I felt tired and/or dizzy and always assumed that it was because I was so busy. This was not the case at all. The iron and B12 gave me more energy and the dizzy spells went away. Isn’t it amazing how a small imbalance in our body can truly affect our day to day lives?

The medications Dr. A had recommended had helped a little bit, but I was still going to the washroom fairly frequently, with a lot of urgency, and there was still blood and pain. While I was following his advice of a “healthy, well-balanced diet” and taking my pills like a good girl, I knew there had to be more to it than that. I didn’t want to put a band-aid over my problems and work towards going on bigger, more powerful medications and potentially surgeries (as I liked my colon on the inside), so I followed my gut. After a little Nancy Drew-like stealth, I made an appointment with a naturopath that one of my WW members had recommended. This decision changed my life.

I liked Dr. M from the first day I met her. She was kind, caring and down to earth. Even from my very first day she gave me some small suggestions to implement in working towards healing. I compiled an extensive questionnaire and food dairy for her and on our second visit she walked me through her recommendations including:

• Increase intake of warm, cooked foods to enhance digestive healing
• Increase foods naturally rich in iron & b12
• Take a probiotic (HMF Forte by Genestra) as well as other supplements and teas
• Physical therapies including the use of castor oil packs and abdominal massage
• Decrease dairy, sugar & caffeine
• Food sensitivity testing

I started the supplements slowly, followed her other recommendations and made the decision to do food sensitivity testing. On one of the worksheets she gave me there is a quote from Hippocrates that reads:

“Let food be your medicine and let your medicine be your food”

I say that Dr. M changed my life, because with her guidance I drastically changed my eating habits and then I started to feel like me again.
My bowel movements calmed down.
The runs to the washroom slowed down (and I no longer had to get off busy subway cars to use the disgusting washroom in the station for fear I wouldn’t make it to work “safely”)
My stomach cramps diminished
and I stopped seeing blood on the tissue after I wiped
It was amazing.

These changes did not happen overnight, nor did I magically wake up one day feeling better. It took a lot of work, but the rewards were so great that it was absolutely worth it. I came off the Flagyl because after I started taking it I began getting terrible night sweats. Dr. A was concerned that I was running fevers in the middle of the night (which is a sign of inflammation) and once I stopped taking the antibiotic the night sweats disappeared.

Following my initial visits with Dr. M, I went gluten & dairy free in March and over the summer went vegan. I feel fantastic. I’ve had a couple instances of pain and 1-ish flare up (which I blame the brown rice protein powder for entirely), but otherwise it has been clear sailing. Eating this way is second nature to me now and it really comes down to feeling good vs. feeling bad. I like feeling good, so I will continue on this path I have formed for myself.

While food and supplements were a giant component in my healing, there were other pieces in the puzzle as well. Joey was a constant rock for me throughout everything that happened. November 11 is my mom’s birthday and is traditionally a challenging day for me. Last year on November 11, it had been about a week since I had been diagnosed. I was feeling crappy physically and emotionally in the morning, but had to get to work because I had a busy day ahead of me. I called him later that morning nearly in tears because I was in a lot of pain and I was feeling pretty sad and missing mom. Around lunchtime the receptionist called me to say that a package had been dropped off for me:

with this card

“I’m here for you always. Love, Joey xoxo” 

It was such a thoughtful gesture that was amplified by the unconditional love and support he gave me all along. I have been so blessed to have him in my life. My friends and family also have played huge roles in my healing. Everyone was so caring and kind throughout my diagnosis and supported me in all of my decisions along the way. These people have helped me to stay strong, even in moments when I did not feel that way and I thank my lucky stars for them each and every day.

Tomorrow I’m going to talk about the last element in my healing, which has been achieving balance in my life. I’m going to share the news I was alluding to last week, tell you how this disease has changed my life for the better and explain why I’m so thrilled for January.

A Paradigm Shift Accompanied By Answers and PegLyte

This is my second post for Crohn’s Week, which details my trip to the gastroenterologist following more than a year of pain, blood and a few too many trips to the washroom.

It didn’t take long for my attitude towards a diagnosis to change. I started to read more about IBD and had resigned myself to the fact that I probably had Crohn’s. All signs were pointing to yes, and after 14 months of pain and a 3 week stint of diarrhea, a diagnosis was going to mean answers. You might say that a paradigm shift occurred as my anger and sadness turned to relief, acceptance and positivity.

Up to that point I had faced my fair share of obstacles in 24 years. My parents separated when I was 5 and then again when I was 12 (after a reconciliation in the middle), my mother committed suicide when I was 13, and my father faced his own demons in life. I never felt great about my body and it wasn’t until I joined Weight Watchers in 2006 that I attained healthy weight and perspective. Many people would look at these things and spend their lives feeling sorry for themselves. Not me. With all of the challenges that I have faced in my life, I have moved forward with a positive attitude and a smile on my face. My life has been a beautiful gift and I try to live each day to the fullest (hence why my blog is called ‘Dancing Through Life’) and I decided that my visit to the gastroenterologist would be no different.

The administrative assistant who handled referrals at the clinic called me the following day and scheduled an appointment with Dr. A less than a week later. In his office, I once again told my story of unexplained illness, diarrhea, blood, urgency, lethargy and anemia. I even got to drop my pants and have the second man (in less than a week) poke at the fissure on my anus. After recounting my whole story, Dr. A seemed fairly certain that I had IBD, but wanted to perform a colonoscopy to be sure and get a sense of how badly damaged I was on the inside. Just prior to my appointment there had been a cancellation, which meant that it was only going to be 5 days before I had a camera in my behind.

For those of you who have never prepped for and endured the joy of a colonoscopy, I’ll start off by saying that the prep is 1,000 times worse than the actual procedure. The day before my procedure I was not allowed to eat anything, only clear fluids. I had some nice juice and broth throughout the day, which was fine. That evening I had to drink 4L of PegLyte, 1 cup every ten minutes until it was gone, to clean everything out.

PegLyte is absolutely disgusting.

While Peglyte may smell like fruit, it does not taste like fruit and has the consistency of half-set jello. The first few cups were okay, the next few were bearable, but somewhere I around litre 2 I started to feel awful. Every cup was a chore to choke down and at litre 3 I was in tears. Poor Joey had to urge me to continue drinking it, at which point, I told him where he could shove the PegLyte. After trying a sip himself, he understood my pain. I finished roughly 85% of the stuff, gave up and went to bed. I spent most of the night making trips to the washroom as the PegLyte did its job cleaning out my bowels.

Joey took the day off to accompany me to the hospital. My appointment was first thing in the morning and I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. I read Twilight while we sat in the waiting room and listened for my name to be called. After putting on a hospital gown I was led to a bed where the procedure was explained to me and the anaesthesiologist and I chatted about what his children were for Halloween. The next thing I knew I was waking up and a nurse was asking me if I wanted juice. I (thankfully) missed the whole part in the middle where the camera was inserted and Dr. A had a look around. As I was sipping my juice he came over to my bed to tell me that I had Crohn’s Disease.

He explained that Crohn’s can affect a person anywhere from their mouth to their anus. He brought over a diagram and showed me that my disease was located in my terminal ileum. The terminal ileum is where the body absorbs B12, which explained my B12 deficiency and subsequent anemia. He mentioned that there was a small tear close to my anus that wasn’t healing because it was probably re-opening whenever I had a bowel movement (which at this point was 2-3 times each day, so you can imagine how little healing this tear was actually doing). Dr. A pulled out his notepad and scribbled a prescription for Pentasa (an anti-inflammatory, for my inflamed ileum) and Flagyl (an antibiotic to help heal the tear and prevent further damage and infection) I thanked Dr. A, changed out of my hospital gown and went with Joey to enjoy my first real meal in 36 hours.

We actually had a really nice lunch, although I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I would be. We talked about the procedure and diagnosis and I felt pretty at ease with the whole thing. We stopped at a bookstore on my way home and I picked up Crohn's and Colitis: Understanding the Facts About IBD. I had some stomach cramps throughout the day but spent most of the afternoon sleeping them off. I woke up in the evening and realized that while I had been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease earlier in the day, it meant that I had an answer to why I had been suffering for the last 14 months. The answer also meant that I could now become an active participant in my healing and work towards getting back to feeling good again.

Tomorrow I’ll discuss the strategies I’ve employed in my path to healing

A Mysterious Illness & 14 Months of Pain, Blood and Poo

Welcome to Crohn’s Week!

My intention this week is to raise awareness of Crohn’s and IBD by sharing my story and the stories of others. I’m going to preface this post by saying that some of what I’ll be discussing will be graphic. I think part of the reason IBD falls under the radar is because people don’t want to talk about poo. We do it all the time, yet no one wants to talk about it, and that’s part of the reason my symptoms went on so long before I spoke up. So here we go, poo and all.

I was a fairly healthy person growing up. I had chronic earaches between ages 4-6, had the Chicken Pox when I was 10 (and proceeded to spread them to my entire class and family) and had a concussion when I was 13 (fainted in gym class). Beyond the typical colds, occasional flu and rounds of antibiotics there was never anything really wrong with me growing up. I began taking the birth control pill around age 17, but other than that had taken no regular medication.

As I’ve previously discussed, in 2006 I decided that I wanted to lose weight. I got to goal in February 2007 and became a Lifetime member in April 2007. I felt great. I was happy with my weight and was absolutely making better choices and taking care of my body. In June 2007 I performed in a recital with my singing group, Ashnaba. It had been a long day and I developed a migraine-like headache by the end. Joey and I walked home and I went to bed early so that I would be ready for work the next morning.

When I woke up the next morning, my headache was gone but I was not feeling well. I began to have diarrhea and called in sick to work. There had been a lot of people in my office the previous week for district meetings and there were quite a few people at the recital. I thought perhaps I had picked something up from someone or had eaten something that didn’t agree with me. I tried to leave the house to go to Shoppers Drug Mart for some juice, but the diarrhea was so bad I was unable to get out the door.

The diarrhea continued throughout the day and was accompanied by horrific stomach cramps. I was doubled over in pain and spent a lot of time in the washroom. By this point there was nothing left in my system because I was unable to keep food down. When I tried to eat I either had more diarrhea or vomited. By the following day, nothing had changed so I stayed home from work again. Joey was calling me every couple of hours to make sure everything was okay. He called me late in the afternoon to see if I wanted him to pick anything up on his way home. I asked him to pick up a thermometer because I felt like I was running a fever.

Joey brought home the thermometer and when we took my temperature we realized it was 104 degrees. I hadn’t had a fever since I was a child and both Joey and I were pretty freaked out. We weren’t sure what to do and at this point still had no idea what was causing my illness. We called the Telehealth nurse to determine our next course of action. The Telehealth nurse said that if it reached 105 we needed to go to the hospital, but until then we were to wait for it to break.

It was so scary. Joey was so calm that whole evening, but later confided that he was incredibly scared. Adults don’t just run fevers of 104!! My fever broke about an hour later and I fell asleep for most of the night. I woke up on Wednesday to more diarrhea, stomach pains and vomiting.

By this time the lethargy had started to kick in. My body was so tired and I hadn’t been able to keep anything but popsicles and gatorade in (and even those were exiting my body fairly fast) Joey took me to the walk-in clinic because I didn’t have a family doctor at the time. While I waited for my turn, I was lying on the floor of the clinic crying because I was in so much pain. It felt like we were waiting forever!! When a doctor finally saw us, I described my symptoms of the last few days to which he didn’t really have an answer. He told me to take some Pepto-Bismal, drink lots of fluids and sent me down to the lab to give a sample of my stool.

The stomach cramps and vomiting finally stopped the following weekend, but I continued to have diarrhea for 3 weeks. I kept taking the Pepto-Bismal, but stopped after a pharmacist told me that there was no point considering my diarrhea had gone on so long. I started eating again and started to get my energy back. After not eating for a week and another 2 weeks of diarrhea, I lost at least another 10 lbs. This was a little scary since I had just gotten to my goal weight, but gained a bit of it back once I started eating properly again.

Over the next year I would have a variety of day-to-day problems. Looking back on everything now I can see a pattern and also see that they were connected to my original illness, but like I said at the beginning: nobody wants to talk about poo. I suffered from terrible stomach cramps on the toilet and off, blood in my stools and urgency when I had to go to the washroom. I was also tired quite often and felt faint or dizzy a few times a week. For 14 months I let everything go on in the background. Everything was great in my life, I had started a new job, had become a Weight Watchers Leader, was performing in shows a couple times a year and was in a great relationship. I was 23 or 24 and therefore healthy, right?

In August 2008 I went in for my yearly physical. We went through the normal stuff and at the end the Dr. asked if I had any questions. I said yes, and proceeded to spill my guts about the pain, blood, urgency, tiredness and horrific tendencies of the last 14 months. He inquired a little more and examined my bum. He commented that there was a fissure/skin tag, which may have been causing the bleeding. We talked a bit about my mysterious illness from the previous summer at which point he realized the wrong test had been done with my stool sample, so nothing was found. He prescribed some antibiotics and ordered me down to the lab for some blood work.

Two weeks of antibiotics did nothing for me and the blood work revealed that I was anemic. With the symptoms I had described, the fissure and now the anemia, the Crohn’s and Colitis warning bells were popping up. He prescribed daily iron supplements and B12 for the anemia and set up an appointment for me to see a gastroenterologist. The doctor assured me that there was a chance it might be Colitis, but said it was probably nothing and seeing the gastro was just an extra precaution.

It was around this time that I started to feel upset and angry. I remember going back to my office that morning after the appointment and my boss nearly sent me home because I was so ticked off and on the verge of tears. I didn’t want anything to be wrong with me and I certainly did not want to have a Disease.

Check back tomorrow to read about my first visit with the gastro and the tests that followed.

Congratulations Kate!

Another reason to smile this weekend…

After losing 80.2 lbs, Kate reached goal yesterday!!! I am so proud of this beautiful girl. She has really dedicated herself to changing her life and has done so with an amazingly positive attitude and a lot of smiles. It’s so amazing to be a part of these moments every single week in the meeting room!!

She has been shrinking away and yesterday celebrated her truly amazing accomplishment with other members, friends and her mom! Her mom made all of us cry and it was an incredibly beautiful moment for all of us to share. I love my meetings for this very reason. Where else do you get to spend your Saturday morning with compassionate, inspiring and loving friends who share common goals and dreams?

Be sure to stop by her blog to check out her amazing stats, before & after photos and wish her congratulations!!